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12/2/2022

Kids2Kids Boise December Meeting - 20 Dec 2022

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Kids2Kids Boise December Meeting
Kids2Kids Boise December Meeting 
Join Because Kids Grieve for their Kids2Kids Boise December Meeting on the topic of "Surprise, Shock,
and Denial," on December 20, 2022, from 6:00 - 8:00 PM at A New Beginning Adoption Agency
(8660 W. Emerald St., Suite 142, Boise, Idaho 83704).


This FREE evening includes a dinner, guardian/parent break out group & children/teen break
​out group, both involving theme related activities and interactions.


To register visit www.becausekidsgrieve.org.

For more info about the program, please contact April Lopas at 208-318-8359 or Cheryl Haney 208-409-6680.

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11/7/2022

Kids2Kids Boise November Meeting - 22 Nov 2022

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Kids2Kids Boise November Meeting November 22, 2022, from 6:00 - 8:00 PM
Kids2Kids Boise November Meeting
November 22, 2022, from 6:00 - 8:00 PM 

Join Because Kids Grieve for their Kids2Kids Boise November Meeting on the topic of "Surprise, Shock,
and Denial," on November 22, 2022, from 6:00 - 8:00 PM, at A New Beginning Adoption Agency
(8660 W. Emerald St., Suite 142, Boise, Idaho 83704). This FREE evening includes a dinner, guardian/
parent break outgroup & children/teen break out group, both involving theme related activities
and interactions. 
To register visit www.becausekidsgrieve.org. For more info about the program,
​please contact April Lopas at 208-318-8359 or Cheryl Haney 208-409-6680.

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10/21/2022

Children’s Grief Awareness Day - 17 Nov 2022

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Children’s Grief Awareness Day  ​Thursday, November 17th, from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM

​Children’s Grief Awareness Day 

​Thursday, November 17th, from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM

The 2022 Virtual Children’s Grief Awareness Day event schedule is packed with stories of hope and inspiration, child- and family-friendly activities, opportunities to remember loved ones, and special guest speakers like Nora McInerny, Todd Parr, Katie Lear, Catia Chien, What's Your Grief,
Br
ian Griese, and much more! Be sure to tune in LIVE on Highmark Caring Place’s YouTube page (youtube.com/HighmarkCaringPlace) on Thursday, November 17th to watch this virtual event!

Children’s Grief Awareness Day  ​Thursday, November 17th, from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM

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10/5/2022

OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center - Fall 2022 Children & Teens Grief Support Groups

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OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center - Fall 2022 Children & Teens Grief Support Groups
OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center - Fall 2022 Children & Teens Grief Support Groups
OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center is offering Fall 2022 Children & Teens Grief Support Groups.
The groups are available to children ages 4 1/2 to 18 years who have experienced the death of a parent,
sibling, or someone close. OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center provides grieving children, teens, and adults
the opportunity to experience the healing process in a safe, warm, and nurturing environment.
​No child should have to grieve alone. 
These groups meet in Woodland Hills, CA and Los Angeles, CA. 
Call 310-231-3189 or visit www.ourhouse-grief.org for more information or to register!

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8/28/2022

Because Kids Grieve Fall Bereavement Day Camp - 10 Sept 2022

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PictureBecause Kids Grieve Fall Bereavement Day Camp September 10, 2022
Because Kids Grieve Fall Bereavement Day Camp
September 10, 2022
1500 N. Locust Grove, Suite 100, Meridian, Idaho 83642
Check-In at 8:45 AM
Camp runs from 9:00 AM - 4:00 PM
The day camp is open for any child/teen who has experience a loss of a loved one to register and attend. Camp is FREE and lunch is provided!
It will be a good day for Summer Campers to reconnect and experience a day together.  The day will be filled with lots of activities and fun. 
For more information or to register call 208-352-2994 or email info@becausekidsgrieve.org
www.becausekidsgrieve.org

​

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8/3/2022

Camp HOPE for Kids - October 8-9, 2022

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Camp HOPE for Kids October 8-9, 2022
Camp HOPE for Kids
October 8-9, 2022 

Camp HOPE is a Wisconsin-based free weekend bereavement camp, open to grieving youth ages 5-18. 
Adult family members are welcome to join our adult camp, which is hosted at the same time as the youth camp. Registration for Camp HOPE this fall (October 8-9th) is now open! There is no cost to attend.

Through playing, sharing, and being together in a camp setting with peers and staff who know the pain, the children and teenagers realize that the emotions they feel are a normal part of grief.

What is happening to them happens to others everywhere, and at Camp HOPE, their pain is understood and shared.

Campers will be captivated by the picturesque setting of the campsite, which

features individual cabins, dining, and shower facilities. 

Each camper will be housed in small groups of similar-aged campers with three or more volunteer
counselors. The camp is a 400-acre wildlife refuge with a 45-acre private lake that provides each
camper with ample opportunity to enjoy nature. 

The Wisconsin Lions Camp is within easy driving distance from all parts of the state.
Camp HOPE 
rents the Wisconsin Lions Camp (3834 County Road A, Rosholt, WI) in central Wisconsin,
two miles 
east of Rosholt and sixteen miles northeast of Stevens Point.

Visit their Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/Camp-HOPE-for-Kids-151221138299947/?hc_ref=SEARCH
For more information or to register, visit: https://www.camphopeforkids.org/

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7/27/2022

The Colors of Love & Loss children's Book

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Grief Book We Love: The Colors of Love & Loss, by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

“The Colors of Love & Loss,” is a new children's book By Dr. Joanne Cacciatore featuring a
chameleon family struggling with heartbreaking loss.


This new FREE resource from The MISS Foundation is for children who have – and will – grieve.

It is FREE to download in both Spanish and English at www.tinyurl.com/LossAndLove

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5/18/2022

Coping After Suicide's Virtual Summer Grief Camp 2022

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Coping After Suicide's Virtual Summer Grief Camp
Coping After Suicide's Virtual Summer Grief Camp 
Coping After Suicide's Virtual Summer Grief "Camp" is for kids ages 6-12 who've lost a parent, sibling, or other loved one to suicide. It's not a therapy group - it's a professionally facilitated, activity-based peer support group that meets on Zoom. “Camp” will be facilitated by Joan Hoff, former longtime program director for the Dougy National Center for Grieving Children and Families, who’s been facilitating grief support groups for kids for 30 years.
Joan will lead the kids in activities and discussions to help them:
- explore their thoughts and feelings around the suicide of their person 
- learn ways to manage their grief reactions
- connect with other kids who are going through a similar experience
Kids can participate independently (they just ask that a trusted adult be nearby in case of technical or
​emotional challenges). There are two sessions, and each session consists of four 60-minute Zoom meetings. 
The two sessions will cover different topics, so kids can register for either or both:

June Session: Your Grief Journey: June 27, 28, 29, and 30 from 2-3 pm Eastern
​July Session: Your Emotional Ride: July 25, 26, 27, and 28 from 2-3 pm Eastern 
The registration fee is $150 per child/per session. (Not an affiliate)
Spaces will be filled on a first-come, first-served basis.
To learn more and to register visit: 
https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/virtual-grief-camp

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5/10/2022

The Compassionate Friends, Great Boise Area Chapter - 12 may 2022

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The Compassionate Friends, Great Boise Area Chapter
The Compassionate Friends, Great Boise Area Chapter
The Compassionate Friends is an emotional support group for those suffering from child loss. Parents, grandparents and siblings (age 12 and above) are all welcome. They are a self-help group and all of
their leaders are bereaved parents. They are a non-profit, non-denominational support group with
no religious affiliation. 
The group meets inside the Meridian Senior Center at Julius M. Kleiner Park
​in Meridian, Idaho at The Village, every 2nd Thursday of the month at 7:00 PM MST.
Next Meeting: May 12, 2022 at 7:00 PM MDT. 
​Check out the Live Series of YouTube videos with Co-Chapter Leaders, Kristina & Steffanie. They recently started a blogcast called Sunflowers & Red Feathers as well.
Watch the YouTube videos or read the blog here.
They are active on their Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/TCFSouthernIdaho 
and on their Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/634712763985467
http://www.tcfboise.org
Chapter Leader: 
Kristina Cunningham, thecompassionatefriendsboise@gmail.com

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5/7/2022

Mother's Day 2022

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Mother's Day 2022

Mother's Day 2022
Mother's Day reminds some people of losses they don't often speak of, like death, separation, divorce,
​infertility, illness, unfulfilled longing, disability, estrangement, neglect, rejection, abuse, and abandonment.

If this day is difficult for you, for any reason, be extra kind and soft with yourself. Sending lots of love
and wishes for a gentler Mother's Day than expected to all feeling tender from loss.

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3/19/2022

When Someone Dies: FREE eBook, March 19-20, 2022

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When Someone Dies: FREE eBook, March 19-20, 2022
When Someone Dies: FREE eBook, March 19-20, 2022

Check out the new book, "When Someone Dies: A Children’s Mindful How-To Guide on Grief and Loss,"
By Andrea Dorn, MSW, before it releases! 
Andrea is very passionate about normalizing the outward
expression of grief and creating open and healing spaces to help children work through these difficult, yet incredibly common and normal feelings so she and PESI have generously partnered to offer an
Amazon Kindle version of "When Someone Dies" FOR FREE for the next two days, March 19-20, 2022!


If you decide to download please consider leaving an honest review or rating. Reviews and ratings are
incredibly helpful in allowing books to reach a larger audience - and this is one book that really needs
to reach children and families far and wide!


Preorder a hard copy and/or get the FREE download at https://amzn.to/3wgcytY
Please also share and “like” to spread the word! 

For more information about the author and to learn more about all the books in the Mindful Step Series visit:

https://www.andreadorn.com/

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3/19/2022

Camp Erin South Idaho - Jun 2022

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2022 Camp Erin South Idaho
Camp Erin
The 2022 Camp Erin South Idaho will be held June 10-12, 2022  at the Trinity Pines Camp & Conference Center
in 
Cascade, Idaho. THE APPLICATION DEADLINE FOR THE 2022 CAMP ERIN IS MAY 20, 2022.

​What is Camp Erin? Children and teens ages 6 to 17 attend a weekend camp experience that combines
grief education and emotional support with fun, traditional camp activities. Led by bereavement professionals
and caring volunteers, campers are provided a safe environment to explore their grief, learn essential coping
skills, and make friends with peers who are also grieving. Additional services are offered to support the
whole family outside of the camp weekend. The retreat weekend will help bereaved youth share their
grief experiences in creative ways through art projects, time to talk and share, outdoor games and
challenge courses, participate in memorial activities and even share a campfire experience! 

Camp is FREE to all campers through generous support and donations from local corporations and other
area organizations. Parents or guardians must complete an application for each child or teen who would
like to attend. Applications are accepted until all available spaces are filled. ​Space is limited, so please
return the completed application as soon as possible. Please note that any camper who has attended
camp in the past will be considered after all spaces are offered to new campers. 
​
For more information about Camp Erin, please contact the Because Kids Grieve at info@becausekidsgrieve.org.
Registration questions can be left on their message line at 208-352-2994.
Register at: https://becausekidsgrieve.org/what-is-camp-erin

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1/24/2022

Ambiguous Loss & How to Help Children Cope with Uncertainty Webinar - 7 Feb 2022

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Ambiguous Loss & How to Help Children Cope with Uncertainty Monday, February 7th, 2022 from 6:30 pm- 8:00 PM EST
Ambiguous Loss & How to Help Children Cope with Uncertainty
Monday, February 7th, 2022 from 6:30 pm- 8:00 PM EST

Do you know or work with children who:
 - Are in foster care or being raised by grandparents?
- Are separated from their parents for long periods of time?
- Have parents with substance abuse? 
- Were unable to attend a funeral or grieving ritual for a loved one?
- Have a caregiver or loved one who is missing?
 
These are just a few common examples of ambiguous loss, which is defined as a loss with unclear boundaries. This lack of closure and rituals around the complicated experience of ambiguous loss can exacerbate behavioral health challenges for children. Please join this webinar to learn how ambiguous loss impacts children and what adults can do to help them manage their constant questioning and uncertainty. It is hosted by Deborah Willett and
​the Coatesville Center for Community Health. The webinar will include a mental health presentation with psychotherapist, author, and childhood trauma consultant, Beth Tyson.
Time will be reserved at the end for a Q&A.
Register at:  https://tinyurl.com/AmbigLoss

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1/7/2022

Shattered Schools: When Death and Grief Impact Your Students

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Shattered Schools: When Death and Grief Impact Your Students Wednesday, January 12, 2022, from 2:00 -3:30 PM EST
Shattered Schools: When Death and Grief Impact Your Students
Wednesday, January 12, 2022, from 2:00 -3:30 PM EST
Highmark Caring Place is offering a NO COST "Grief Talks" webinar, “Shattered Schools: When Death
and Grief Impact Your Students,” Wednesday, January 12, 2022 02:00 - 3:30 PM EST. The webinar will
explore strategies on how to support your grieving students when they suffer the loss of someone
important to them. In this webinar, you will gain practical knowledge of how to think through the
​complicated circumstances that occur when your school is impacted by death in some way, and you will
learn strategies of how to support your grieving students when they suffer the loss of someone important
to them. Attendees will gain an understanding of suggestions and services for schools after the death
of a student or staff member, explore best practices for communication about grief and loss
within schools, and identify three ways to support a grieving student. 
REGISTER NOW at http://bit.ly/GriefTalkShattered

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11/10/2021

The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families

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 The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families
 The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families, Inc. just launched in the fall of 2021 and provides
its community grief services free of charge. Through donations and community support they provide activities
and programs that support Kentucky families as they grieve and heal. KCGCF offers student grief support groups and family/caregiver education and support for youth and families in the following schools in Fayette County, Kentucky. If you are interested ​in having your child join a grief support group, please contact the school’s
Family Resource and Youth Services Center or email kychildrengrieve@gmail.com. 

The KCGCF also works with grieving families to provide community referrals for additional services and
supports, including individual therapy and therapeutic recreation opportunities. The KCGCF offers expert
training in youth bereavement (its hallmarks, trauma-informed strategies for supporting grieving children,
how to support grieving families and encourage resilient parenting). Presentations and training can be
arranged for schools, churches, social service agencies, workplaces, and community groups. In 2022, they
hope to launch free, community-based grief support groups for children and youth ages 4-18, organized by children’s ages. Talk time will be combined with play and other types of creative healing experiences (such
as art, writing, or music). Concurrent parent and caregiver groups will help caregivers understand youth bereavement and offer parenting techniques to strengthen the family as they heal and move forward.

To find out more information or to get involved with KCGCF, visit them at: ​
https://www.facebook.com/kychildrengrieve/
https://www.instagram.com/kychildrengrieve/
​https://www.kcgcf.org/

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11/4/2021

Kid 2 Kid Birthday Party: A Celebration of Our Loved Ones - 13 Nov 2021

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Kid 2 Kid Birthday Party: A Celebration of Our Loved Ones November 13, 2021 at 12:00 PM MST
Kid 2 Kid Birthday Party: A Celebration of Our Loved Ones
November 13, 2021 at 12:00 PM MST
459 Shoup Ave, Twin Falls, Idaho, 83301

Because Kids Grieve invites all children ages 6-17 to join in a celebration of their special loved one who
has died and honor their birthday.  The Kid 2 Kid Birthday Party is the kickoff for Children's Grief
Awareness Day on November 18th as we honor and celebrate loved ones. 
The in-person party begins at 12:00 PM MST,  on November 13th, and includes lunch.  Birthday Cake will conclude the party at
2:00 PM MST. 
CRAFT ACTIVITIES include: Illuminating HOPE—Creating a Butterfly of Hope, Honoring
your loved one by planting flower bulbs in the BKG Memorial Garden, 
Holding on to Hope Art Activity
& 
Sharing with others memories of loved one. All activities are FREE. 
To register call 208-352-2994 and leave a message,
or email 
info@becausekidsgrieve.org 
to RSVP that you’re coming.

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9/16/2021

FREE Camp Erin® Day Camp For Kids- 25 Sept 2021

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FREE Camp Erin® Day Camp For Kids
September 25, 2021
Touchmark at Meadow Lake Village, 4037 E. Clocktower Lane, Meridian, ID 83642
This FREE camp will be from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm with a parent session from 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm.
Visit the Because Kids Grieve website for registration forms and more information at www.becausekidsgrieve.org
​

If you have questions or need more info before registering, call 208-352-2994
​or email 
info@becausekidsgrieve.org

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6/8/2021

Camp Because Kids Grieve (BKG), August 6-8, 2021

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Camp Because Kids Grieve (BKG)  August 6-8, 2021  ​
Camp Because Kids Grieve (BKG) 
August 6-8, 2021 
​
What is Camp BKG? Children and teens ages 6 to 17 attend a weekend camp experience that combines grief education and emotional support with fun, traditional camp activities. Led by bereavement professionals and caring volunteers, campers are provided a safe environment to explore their grief,
learn essential coping skills, and make friends with peers who are also grieving. Additional services are offered to support the whole family outside of the camp weekend. The retreat weekend will help bereaved youth share their grief experiences in creative ways through art projects, time to talk and share, outdoor games and challenge courses, participate in memorial activities and even share a campfire experience! The 2021 Camp BKG will be held on August 6-8, 2021 at the Trinity Pines Camp & Conference Center in Cascade, Idaho. Transportation for campers will be provided by Because Kids Grieve from their designated drop off and pick up sites. Camp is FREE to all campers through generous support and donations from local corporations and other area organizations. Parents or guardians must complete an application for each child or teen who would like to attend. Applications are accepted until all available spaces are filled. Space is limited, so we encourage you to return the completed application as soon as possible. Please note that any camper who has attended camp in the past will
be considered after all spaces are offered to new campers. 

THE APPLICATION DEADLINE FOR THE 2021 CAMP BKG IS July 15, 2021.

For more information about Camp BKG, please contact the
Because Kids Grieve at info@becausekidsgrieve.org.

Registration questions can be left on their message line at 208-352-2994.

Register at: https://becausekidsgrieve.org/what-is-camp-erin

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6/5/2021

Instagram LIVE with Children's Book​Author, Jalisa Rose Smith - 13 June 2021

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Instagram LIVE with Children's Book ​Author, Jalisa Rose Smith
Instagram LIVE with Children's Book ​Author, Jalisa Rose Smith
Instagram LIVE with Children's Book
​Author, Jalisa Rose Smith

​Sunday, June 13, 2021 at 2:00 PM MST/4:00 PM EST
Join 
My Grief Connection founder, Sara Cobb as she speaks with Jalisa Rose Smith, author of the children's
book, "In His Absence I Can Still Feel His Presence." Jalisa will share about the loss of her father when
she was 11 years old and how his death has affected and shaped her life.  She'll talk about her
motivation to write her children's book about loss. Her book is designed to help children cope with
grief through words ​of encouragement, prayer and scriptures.

To learn more about Jalisa visit http://www.authorjalisasmith.com/

Catch the LIVE on Instagram @my_grief_connection on Sunday, June 13, 2021 at 2:00 PM MST/4:00 PM EST

Follow Jalisa Rose Smith on Instagram at @authorjalisasmith

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1/19/2021

Walking Through Uncharted Territory: The Challenges of Grieving Young Adults - 03 Feb 2021

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Walking Through Uncharted Territory: The Challenges of Grieving Young Adults
Walking Through Uncharted Territory: The Challenges of Grieving Young Adults 

​Join 
Highmark Caring Place  on February 3, 2021 at 2:00 PM EST for,
"Walking Through Uncharted Territory: The Challenges of Grieving Young Adults,"
which is a part of the FREE Grief Talks Webinar Series.


The transition from adolescence to young adulthood is inherently a time of change
and uncertainty, and this can be amplified when the death of a loved one occurs during
this significant passage. This webinar will describe the issues unique to grieving young
adults and explore ways of supporting young adults during times of grief, including
​the importance of connecting them with supportive peers.
​

You can register directly at https://bit.ly/grieftalkyoungadult

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12/21/2020

The Curious Observer: Understanding the Behavior of Grieving Children Webinar

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The Curious Observer: Understanding the Behavior of Grieving Children Webinar

The Curious Observer: Understanding the Behavior of Grieving Children Webinar
Join Highmark Caring Place  on January 13, 2021 at 2:00 PM EST for, "The Curious Observer: Understanding the Behavior of Grieving Children," which is a part of the FREE Grief Talks Webinar Series.

This webinar will discuss how behaviors can serve as a manifestation of children’s grief. As a caring adult,
you will learn activities and interactions that can support the children in your life through their grief work.

During this webinar, participants will:
1. Learn how behavior (such as play) is a form of communication for children from birth into adulthood.
2. Recognize how behaviors can serve as an expression of a child’s grief.
3. Identify activities and interactions that support children in their grief work.

Register for FREE at www.bit.ly/grieftalkcurious

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11/12/2020

Can You Hear Us Now? Elevating the Voices of Grieving Children - Special Edition Grief Talk

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Can You Hear Us Now? Elevating the Voices of Grieving Children - Special Edition Grief Talk
Can You Hear Us Now? Elevating the Voices of Grieving Children - Special Edition Grief Talk 
​November 19, 2020 at 1:00 - 2:00 PM EST


Register NOW for the special NO COST Grief Talks webinar, Can You Hear Us Now? Elevating the Voices
of Grieving Children, from Highmark Carking Place – taking place on
Children’s Grief Awareness Day - Thursday, November 19th from 1:00 -2:00 PM (EST)!

During this webinar the focus will be on this special day, observed throughout the nation and in countries around the world – a day on which often-unnoticed kids can become heard for a change.

A day when all of us can take the time to realize how much it can help grieving children for them
to get support. A day when grieving kids can see that the people around them are taking their
pain seriously and validating their struggles.

Register at: 
https://highmarkhealth.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_PG_fv4quTjKQP7vrBpzxYA


​

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10/14/2020

Instagram LIVE Event: Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement

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Instagram LIVE Event: Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement, My Grief Connection & Project Grief.org IG LIVE, Friday, 10/16 @ 6PM MST
Instagram LIVE Event: Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement
​Join @my_grief_connection founder, Sara Cobb, and author Danica Thurber of @projectgriefart for a
​special Instagram LIVE event on Friday, October 16th at 6:00 PM (MST).  We'll be giving you a
preview of her beautiful new children's book, 
“Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement.” 
We'll also be chatting about our favorite grief resources for children and share some suggestions
to help parents & caregivers who are tending to children who are grieving.

“Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement” gives children a way to creatively express their thoughts
and emotions about death & grief. It’s also a helpful resource for the adults in their lives because it
helps both sides engage in meaningful conversation. There’s even instructions to a cute craft activity
that goes with the book - one which kids and adults can do together.

Attend the IG LIVE for a chance to will a FREE eBook copy in a drawing!
 
The e-book is available now as a pre-release on Amazon and it’s only a few dollars.
It can be purchased via the affiliate link here:  
https://amzn.to/3lIhVcE

The printed paperback version will be released on October 20th, and if you’d like to get an email when that’s available, you can sign up on the author’s waitlist at https://projectgrief.org/p/kidsbook

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9/26/2020

The Do’s and Don’t’s of Talking With a Child About the Death of a Loved One - By Guest Blogger Danica Thurber

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The Do’s and Don’t’s of Talking With a Child About the Death of a Loved One
The Do’s and Don’t’s of Talking With a Child About the Death of a Loved One

1 in 5 children will experience the death of someone close to them by age 18. 
(Kenneth Doka, Editor of OMEGA, Journal of Death and Dying) 

Talking to a child about death may be one of the hardest things you have to do in your life. I conducted a survey in early 2020 about parents’ experiences with helping their children talk about and grieve the loss of a loved one. One respondent’s answer was very telling: 

[M]y husband, their father, died. Telling my kids was even more painful than his death. 

That’s what makes this topic so complicated: along with starting difficult conversations with your children, you yourself may be deep in the throes of grief for the loss of the same loved one. 

While I wish that there was a way to lessen your pain, I have found that there are several things you can bring into conversations with your kids to make it easier. 

As another survey respondent wrote: 

Knowing the right language and having guidance on how to talk about death can help make the conversation less scary and have the confidence the conversation is healthy.

The following tips will do just that - provide guidance that can help you have some structure, as well as some confidence, as you enter the unknowns of these difficult conversations with your children. 

DON’T SOFTEN YOUR LANGUAGE - BE DIRECT

“We speak of heaven and of illness. We do not use words such as ‘she went to sleep’... It can be hard at first to be direct, but two years later we see great fruit from the hard conversations.” - 2020 survey respondent

It can be tempting to soften the blow by softening your language (“he passed away,” “she went to heaven in her sleep”). However, kids don’t necessarily grasp the nuances of adult language. For young children especially, it’s important to use the words “dead” and “death” and then to describe what that actually means. For example:

“… explain that when someone dies their body stops working, they can’t eat, talk, feel, etc. That their heart and lungs stop working…” - 2020 survey respondent

My children’s book, “Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement,” portrays this type of direct conversation in a simple and emotional way. The main character, Lulu is eight years old, and because this is her first major loss, she needs to know precisely what death means as it applies to her relationship with her Grandma: 

Lulu Learns Encouragement Book Cover
Once a child understands the physical reality of death, you can then explain it in terms of your family’s spiritual beliefs regarding what happens after death.

If you’re facing an impending death, you’ve got a good opportunity to be honest with children now about a loved one’s prognosis. I know it’s hard to be honest about this, because you may be having a hard time accepting their prognosis as well. However, talking about what will happen when the loved one dies, as well as who will take care of them, and then answering their questions, will greatly help them prepare for a loved one's impending death. 

“My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer in 2016. He died in May 2019. [A]long the way we worked to be honest with our kids about how serious it was while also not wanting to burden them more than was necessary.” - 2020 survey respondent

SHARE APPROPRIATELY

Kids though, take all their cues from their parents. While I was in deep traumatic grief, I tried to remain/appear steady for them. - 2020 survey respondent

The concept of death is something that is acquired as a child matures and goes through life experiences. Explaining death using concepts that are either too old, or too young for the child, may cause more frustration and hurt. It may be helpful to research developmental understanding of death before approaching your conversation with your child. Cancer.net has a very helpful summary. 

According to cancer.net, school-aged children (6-12 years old) are able to understand that death is final (AKA, irreversible regardless of what they think, say or do). However, they may still think of the deceased person existing in a changed form, such a spirit, like a ghost, angel, or a skeleton. “By age 10, [children can] understand that death happens to everyone and cannot be avoided,” that is, they understand the universality of death. They may be interested in the specific details surrounding the circumstances of that person’s death, or what is being done to the body (autopsy, cremation, burial). School-aged children “[m]ay experience a range of emotions including guilt, anger, shame, anxiety, sadness, and worry about their own death,” and they may also incorrectly assign blame to themselves, thinking they somehow caused the death. Every child will experience grief differently, but some may “[s]truggle to talk about their feelings. Their feelings may come out through behaviors such as school avoidance, poor performance in school, aggression, physical symptoms, withdrawal from friends, and regression.” In addition, school-aged children “[m]ay worry about who will take care of them, and will likely experience feelings of insecurity, clinginess, and abandonment.” 

In light of this age-centered understanding of death, when talking to a school-aged child about death, you may:

  • Expect to see or hear them talk about the deceased in the form of spirits, ghosts, angels, or skeletons. 
  • Expect them to have questions about the cause and circumstances of death
  • Reassure them that they had no part in the cause of the loved ones death, nor was there anything they could have done to prevent it.
  • Affirm that a range of emotions are healthy and acceptable to feel in reaction to the death of a loved one. It could be helpful to share a few times when you’ve felt sad or angry. Knowing an adult has felt this way legitimizes the child’s right to feel that way, too.
  • Help them understand that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to express those feelings. Provide specific examples (“I realize you’re feeling angry that your dad died. It’s ok to feel that way. However, hitting your classmate like you did today is not an OK way to express this anger. I would like you to take five minutes to scribble on this piece of paper, and I’ll check in with you after you’re done.”)

REASSURE THEM

“Helping them know their dad is still with them, loves them and is proud of them.” - 2020 survey respondent

A child’s sense of security is rocked when a loved one dies. Speaking from my own experience of childhood loss,
I know that children will need an abundance of reassurance in the coming weeks and months in order to recover that loss of security. 


DON’T say things like these:

  • “(The deceased) wouldn’t want you to be sad!”
  • “We should be happy because they’re in heaven/not suffering now.”
  • “We have to be strong for (surviving family members) now.”
  • “You’re the man (or woman) of the house now.”

Hopefully you can detect the cringe-worthy burdens lurking behind these words. While these phrases may have the appearance of reassurance, they only serve to stifle a child’s grief because of an expectation of how they “should” or “shouldn’t” be feeling.

Instead, here are some things you can do repeatedly (keyword!) in conversations with your school-aged child:
  • Provide lots of age-appropriate affection. Simply and silently holding a young child or hugging an older one while they cry can be the best way to comfort them.
  • Reassure them that while death is a fact of life, you are not going anywhere for a long time.
  • Reassure them that they will be taken care of, should something happen to you (provide details about specific arrangements where appropriate).
  • Reassure them that a range of emotions are healthy and acceptable to feel in reaction to the death of a loved one. (I’m repeating this one from the above list because it’s important.)

LET THEM LEAD

“I try to just meet them wherever they are emotionally. If they want to talk, we talk. If they want to cry, we cry.
If they want funny stories, we tell funny stories. I have found in my own grief, that grief is much more bearable
​if you’re allowed to talk about it & live in it. So i try to do that for them too.” - 2020 survey respondent


It’s commonly said that a child’s inability to cope with trauma or big emotions is the their mind’s way of protecting them. Children will tend to express their grief in small spurts, rather than in long, drawn out seasons, as an adult would. In between these spurts, the child may seem completely fine. According to cancer.net, “A child’s grief may seem to come and go. And a child may rarely verbally express his or her grief. This is normal. Your child may also re-experience the intensity of the loss as he or she grows up.” It’s almost as if the loss needs to be re-processed with each developmental stage they pass. I’ve certainly found this to be true in my own experience.

DON’T force a child to engage in a grief activity. Have activities such as a trip to the cemetery, a book about loss, or a therapeutic art activity ready to go for when they seem to be feeling sad or when they bring up a question. Let the child’s emotions lead you, but don’t be afraid to ask questions, either. You might also learn more from an overheard conversation during play time, or their recent drawing of the family.

“When the boys were 3 and 5, their brother died as a result of a birth defect […] We learned to be more in the moment when it came to grief for them-they would be sad and ask why he had to leave one minute and then be totally ok the next.” - 2020 survey respondent

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you yourself are emotionally incapacitated by the loss of a loved one, it can be near impossible to provide the support your child needs. It takes so much courage to recognize that you need help. Attending counseling and seeking social support from other trusted adults will help not only you, but your child as well. 

Pay special attention to signs that your child may be having an especially difficult time coping with a loved ones death:

  • Restlessness or difficulty sleeping
  • Low self-esteem or depression.
  • Persistent lack of interest in their usual activities
  • Long-term academic struggles
  • Isolation behaviors or loss of friendships
  • Risk-taking behaviors (drug and alcohol use, fighting, sexual experimentation)

See source link here.

​YOU CAN DO THIS

While you’re the adult in the situation, that doesn’t mean you have to have it all together, or provide all the answers. A listening ear, a comforting hug, and a willingness to answer questions will go a long way towards helping a child cope with the loss of a loved one. 

Remember, you’re allowed to grief, too. Showing at least some of your grief in front of your children shows them that it’s perfectly ok to feel their grief too. A family that learns to grieve together, no matter how messily, will be able to help each other find strength and hope as they navigate a loss, together. 

Books can be helpful tools for both you and your child. They can be conversation starters, as well as give you a tangible reference point for discussing things you don’t have words for (“remember how in the book, Grandma lost all of her hair? That’s what will happen to your mom soon.”). If you’re looking for a book that can help you and your child talk about things like death, cancer, hospice, or the loss of a grandparent, check out “Lulu Faces Loss and Finds Encouragement,” available on Amazon on October 20, 2020. 

​

Author

Danica Thurber is a professional artist, therapeutic art Life Coach, and art teacher. She's also the art ministry director at Vineyard Boise. Visit her website at https://projectgrief.org/​

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9/5/2020

6th Annual Fall Bereavement Conference

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6th Annual Fall Bereavement Conference Because Kids Grieve will be hosting the 6th Annual Fall Bereavement Conference on September 25th from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm.
6th Annual Fall Bereavement Conference
Because Kids Grieve will be hosting the 6th Annual Fall Bereavement Conference
on September 25th from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm. 

There will be two great presenters that you won’t want to miss! Nationally recognized bloggers
and speakers on topics related to grief and bereavement, Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C and Eleanor Haley, MS
of "What's Your Grief?", will be leading this year's discussion and training. 

Their extensive background in leadership and grief and bereavement support will
greatly benefit professionals dealing with these issues.

Social workers, Educators and Counselors may earn 5 CEUs by participating.

Join this online event from your home or office computer. The cost is $25.

To pre-register for the event visit https://becausekidsgrieve.org/contact/ and send a message
requesting a registration form and/or additional info at presbecausekidsgrieve@gmail.com 
or call them at 208-352-2994.

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